Call me paranoid.
You don't understand the feeling of someone that repetitively leave you and make you feel like you're nothing. I cannot handle it once more. The pain is just far to hurtful to be explained through this entry. Someone has that ability to make you feel inferior, someone has that ability to make you feel like you are worthless, someone that can make you feel like you are nothing in this world. Congratulations you just fell into deep shit, that might cause you severe consequences like losing people who treats you like the world.
You eyes are filled with fear because you are afraid to lose to the other party, but have you seriously thought about it, you are already losing at the starting of the game. You are going to lose, no matter what. Because it ain't the same for the other person. Maybe you are feeling some desperateness because no matter how good you are, you are still small, no matter how good you are you are still NEVER good enough.
Quote from my fellow friend, Ian : "You may be one person to the world, but to one person you may be the world."
Because that someone which you are holding on so tightly and carefully, to him/her, you might just be one person. Able to live without or so, in chinese we say it as 可有可无, which basically means, you can have, or don't, both are the same. Because our hearts are bitches that we cannot control how emotions wants to spread. I cannot say the amount of effort put into your live to just please the other party. Lets say it in a nice way, but I cannot find nice words to phrase this so, you are just like a bought-slave with a 13 year contract. Because you will never know when you will bear with those things you are about to face, may be in the matters of minutes.
They have the extreme power of breaking you, with one word.
I am trying to save you, but apparently you can't save yourself, or rather, you don't really want to save yourself because the pain feels so good after it heals. You are so vulnerable towards him/her, aren't you? Have you ever thought how much worth you are inside the other party's heart? How much do you weigh? Your emotions jumps and leaps and gets fucked up by the slightest changes between both. Have you wondered why do you feel pain?
Everyone is a victim in their eyes. No one wants to be the bad person. But we can always see facts from a neutral 3rd person view. I tried to look at things in a really middle manner. You will see things in a different light.
Maybe after this entry, some people change their point of view about me but I just want to send a serious message out to every single one of my readers. You are important, You are someone, You are special.... so don't change you for him/her.
Because you will truly miss who you truly are. You will regret later on trying to please the person you desire, because one day you will realise, there is actually someone loving you deep inside just by what you are. Yes you maybe be happy for the time being, but it is honestly tiring to try and be like someone else. I know that feeling, looking at pictures of pretty girls, dying to slim down, trying to get what they wear, try to learn to makeup like the way they do. I know, I know, I KNOW THAT FEELING. But is it worth it, you know it deep inside that even you get what you want, how long can that happiness that you to? Rather you go with someone that knows what you're worth, and like you for what you are, not what you change to.
Maybe we are all addicted to how someone lies to you, because you know, that he or she is lying but, you chose to believe it still. How much do you want to give up for one single human. I don't believe as first fantasy last fantasy, you can have as many tries as you want in your life but, don't leave yourself hanging for too long.
Just remember this, when you decided to come back, there is always a place in my heart, waiting for you, called home.
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