Tuesday, 24 June 2014

douleur ; pain

If you do not even love yourself, how do you expect others to love you like you want them to?

People change, and the biggest culprit for changing is pain.

Pain plays a big part of why people change. They give them an emotional impact leaving scars, eventually even leading to depression and even self-destruction.

But there are definitely other factors that affects people, causing them to change as time goes by. It can be peer pressure, society ( as usual ), puberty, families blah blah blah we all know that.

Teenagers nowadays tend to think that they are not good enough. Because we all have different types of problems, and when we face problems, our first instinct is always to back out. Feel useless. Because we can't feel secure of a place in life anymore.

Not talking about other countries, Singapore has one of the highest teen suicide rates. I actually told this to my mother, and she can actually tell me it is fake. When I showed her some data, she still does not really buy the truth. Because Singapore is a " happy " place.

Some people, or I would say, many people out there resort to "cutting", "ED" - eating disorder. Just because they felt like they did not fit it. Let me tell you the sad truth, yes there are people actually doing that. I am sorry, I don't feel your pain at all. I am upset at how people think  they have nowhere to fit and think that pain over pain could resolve their problems.

I, Celine Ng Shi Ni, hereby tell you that. You cut, for what sort of reason? To take away the "pain" you are enduring? Comon, if you can actually come up with a blade, you are fortunate enough in this world. I wrote an entry called" 2 seconds worth" talking about how much we should appreciate our things because there are people outside where you cannot see. Suffering, because of daily hunger, malnutrition and everything. And they have better determination in living, then you. Can you see what I am drilling at?

You have everything you need in life, you have that special something inside of you. EVERYONE has this special something, that is what made you a human. Which made up all the values you have inside of you. Which made it extra special because you are an original thing where no one can change you unless you want to end up a copy.

If you constantly have bad thoughts in your mind, what can you expect to come to you? Beds of roses where there will be angel's secretly looking after you? Even Angels get tired, so you need to buck up yourself too. Talking about Angels getting tired, we humans are selfish fucks so we can choose not to even care about you, because why would I want to stay around negativity everyday when I can be happy?

Say I am mean to say that but, touch your heart and ask yourself whether if it is true. And all of this, relates to self-worth. You have to have those constant reminders that you are wonderful, because humans are born to enjoy happiness, love and anything powerful that triggers you to smile.

If you are constantly thinking that you are no one, you are no one. If you are constantly thinking  about the dark side of life, you are obviously going to be upset all the time. If you are constantly thinking that you are useless, you are then. Because this is the route you chose, no one could force you to go up to a trail that you dislike, because we all have a mind our own. Change.

Betrayal? You count him/her as a friend? Forget about them, because they are not worth. Happiness is the best revenge. Remember my favourite quote? If you have not read it, it is at the side bar. I just want to emphasis that..

NO one can take away your happiness except for yourself. Get it baby?

I have a poem I wrote, or maybe not a poem just a few words to remind yourself. This is how it goes

" As blood streams down the beautiful skin I once had.
As the pain electrify down my spine.
As the scars begin to form.
As your reflexes starts to realise.
As your heartbeat starts to slow down....
What have I done?...
-Celine Ng "

Love yourself first. Always remember.

feel free to share the little message up there, @ to @nsnceline

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