Friday, 11 July 2014

Sick Entry

Being sick is one of the worse things in life. Have you ever felt so ill before and you felt like you regret alot of things in life and begin to think of what are the goodness of your life. I am not sure what I am talking about, but that is how I feel when I fall ill.

I have exceptional thought when I am ill, but I don't share it because I feel that people do not understand or rather, they wouldn't want to know anyways. What is so interesting about Celine, like seriously.

I am lying on my bed typing this crap, well, don't judge me. I am heck of a tired but I still wanted to do this because I am a brat. Going to finish typing before the medicine hits in.

So recently, as of, if you read my blog. I have some unhappiness due at the last week of June Holidays. Not saying that it sucked all the way, there are magical things that happened. Like getting to know new people and learning new quality that I currently possess. That week was the worst day, or week in 2014. I had the worst mental breakdown, I cried almost every night until I fall asleep because I was internally hurt. There are many things that happened, not only friendship problems but family problems, social problems. My social skills fell upon dead woods during that week.

I know in many eyes, I am considered strong and all. Yes, I am but that does not mean you can give fucks to me. Like a quote say, being strong is good but that makes people think that it is okay to hurt you. Fuck no, fuck you for hurting people. Because we all possess feelings, no matter how we try to ignore, be ignorant, there is a limit for all of us. Some are better while some are weaker.

The reverse of controversy.

I had one of the worse days of my life where I could actually bring myself to cry in public. I have a strong pride so no matter what, if I can I will NEVER EVER cry in public. Can you just see how much it hurt me on the inside. You can guess?

One bullet is enough to kill, but I have hundreds and thousands crossing my heart at a go.

Every experience give us an extra chance to be stronger, to learn something. I learn something, so I am going to teach you all.

wrote this myself

Trust no one fully except for yourself, until you think the person deserve what they deserve to know.

There is this girl, whom I trust a lot, I opened myself to her, I let her see all my flaws, sadness, happiness, worries, sorrows. But, she cannot do the same. I always think I can read her like book, I mean, I used to but not anymore because she is building walls, and I am never able to crack them open. Everyone has a wall inside their heart, so we have to choose wisely on who, should or might let in.

Once you let the wrong one in, trust me, get prepared to be hurt.

I put in trust and my effort way too quickly than all of you expect. Most likely, I am going to be the one getting hurt, I mean, we both are going to get hurt. I am human afterall, I do not know what you are going through if you do not express, don't assume I can understand what you are thinking, because I am tired of trying to know you. I always try my best yknow babe, but I just don't feel like it anymore. It hurts way too much to even bear.


Just some future thoughts and events that are going to take place.
I am going to sit for my O-levels Chinese this year. I take higher mother tongue, that is why I have to take it this year. I am stressed, on the 17th, it marks the total beginning of every stressful event I am going to face. I am pressurised, I am afraid I cannot make it to the next year with good results. For the first time, I am going to actually put some efforts into reading and writing in Chinese. Because, I want to score. I believe everyone wants to too, so I have to work even harder together with the seniors and get the results I want. Starting of sec 3 doesn't feel stress at all, but as the end of year gets nearer and nearer, I start to feel the push and all the expectations. Wondering does you no good, just study because you know you will do well if you do.

My birthday is nearing, but I don't feel like it at all. I don't look forward to it as much as the previous years. But if you ask me what is the perfect gift for me? Handwritten letters.

After my POLY OR JC life, I will try to excel my studies to overseas because, Singapore is just not a place for me. I love the place, but I will want to have an overseas degree. Provided the money and time is alright for me to go over of course. I love the openness and carefree feelings people from across the world could give me. Here... Everyone is too suck up to be themselves, I want to have a platform that I can express myself, like here, on my blog.

I made a sound cloud account! Thanks to my table mate who introduce me to the app. My user name is : celng because someone used nsnceline already so.. yeah! Follow me and hear my voice if you would like to. I make short recordings only for now. Because it is just an hassle to do a full song right now. The quality of the recording is not too bad that it might hurt your ear so do not worry guys! and, I promise I will only upload quality work.

I was actually going to upload a video up to my youtube but happens that the video sucked so I deleted and I may or may not re-film it because I have 2 videos I wanted to make. Lets hope I get shit done soon.

I love you all, thanks for reading all of this crap.

ig:@nsnceline, make sure you follow me on instagram!

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