Wednesday, 13 August 2014

Dear Mom,

Dear Mom,

I know you are never going to read this, but I am just going to type it down here. I am a failure to you, right? I cannot study well, neither I do anything right in the house. I don't clean, I don't clear up my stuff. I am a rebellious kid in your eyes, am I right or wrong?

Remember in the past, I was just always the smart kid, until I reach Secondary School, everything has changed. My character starts to show, attitude problems, always yearning for freedom. All those pointless fight we had altogether. Maybe you thought I was just a piece of iron because I show nothing on my face, but those words sure hurt me sometimes.

I am nothing, without you, you know that. But what do I want at this age, the early teens, the time of rebellion, I want freedom. The taste of it is so near yet so far, I bet that made you upset most of the time.

When I am angry, I say words that I do not actually mean. Thinking after, always hoping you will understand and know what I am driving at. I never liked nor enjoyed fighting with you, although I was the one that always triggers the fight. Sometimes, when I woke up half ways through it, it is already too late.

I have pride. I do not want to lose, neither you, right? Because you said those words, about "failing to educate me as a parent". Honestly, those words weighs a lot, it hurts a lot. I am not a perfect kid, what do you mean that you fail to educate me? Am I really that bad? I am not a good child, I am not as good as kor's results, I am not as good as sis's tolerant level of cleaning the house. I have nothing I am good at, I guess.

Having a problematic child like me, is a failed product in this world. Honestly, I would re-set myself back to default, if I could, because I am nobody anyways. Bring disappointments and unhappiness is all I would do.

I used to be the smart child, not as in I have perfect grades. But I used to be able to make expectation of myself and hit and even do better than that. But now, what do I have? Failing subjects. You can say I brought this to myself, because I did not study, I did not try my best, I am always using my phone, not concentrating, being full of myself, thinking I am still going to do well.

I said neither, when you ask if I studied, the answer will always be no. Why? Just in case, that effort I put in did not pay off, I would not have to explain so much. Well, you are never going to read this anyways, so let's just keep it that way.

I am just sorry for being a failed product. 

Good luck everybody. Just another minus day.


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