Saturday, 13 December 2014

for the first time

For the first time in my life, I wanted to hurt myself. The fact that I always thought self-harming was the dumbest shit to do. I finally ate my words. Oh no, don't worry. I didn't do anything to hurt myself in the end. Just the thought of it scares me.

Today is the day I thought I wanted to share a story. If you are easily emotional, easily triggered, this post is not for you.

Click out of it now.

When a friendship ends, there is always a double sided story. I keep that in mind as much as I could just to remind myself that no matter how sad or disappointed I felt, I believe it is the same for the other side. We all see things in a different angle so there is no way the other party don't feel anything (?). There was just a point of time where I literally lost myself, because I didn't want to break this rule. Well, I hang on believing that he/she will feel my effort and turn back.

If you are anything about horoscopes like me, Leos are very stubborn and has a very strong sense of pride. I won't let it down for anyone or anything that has no value to me and if I do, congratulation you fall into the special place where I probably would do anything for you. And I really did.

Have you ever trusted someone so much, and to find out he/she was your greatest enemy. The only way I can explain the pain to you is that, it felt like whole body numbing thing. If you ever had an injury you would know, some pain it hurts until you don't feel a single thing. That's it. I cried every single day, I could just wake up to realise my eyes were wet. ( I didn't know you can cry in dreams damn).

There really has been time where people press me to my breaking point, if you are going through this now, I am really sorry but get your shit up and get over it.


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